Naruablo Side Oneshot
by kyosuke-date-the soultaker
Summary: This apparently qualifies as a 'crackfic'. I dunno when I went wrong with this chapter, but apparently sleepy me is an arsehole. So for those who didn't like it, it's removed. Those who did, here it is. Was originally supposed to be an omake anyway. Only part still in use of this chapter is the part before the labeled omake.


Disclaimer: See First Chapter

XxXxX

Okay! Seventh chapter is coming! So far we got Demon Hunter Trisha, Wizard Aradia, and Tsunade in the harem. May be a bit preemptive, but I believe Kushina will make it in as well. Unless, you know, we suddenly get a bunch of peeps who don't like incest. I don't think that's gonna happen though, cause all my cute little readers are a bunch of pervs, right? 3

Now, a new issue to bring up. This issue of the harem. I know I said the limit will be five, but it's being filled up mighty fast. So! Here's my conundrum. Should I expand it a bit? Or should I implement a system of 'concubines' of sorts?

Also! Something was brought to my attention. It seems that some of you may be beginning to think that things are going to follow canon to an almost plagiaristic level. It won't. This means no capture Tora missions, though Tora will still be a part of the story, team 7 will not go on the Wave mission, the Chunin Exams will be different, and it's still a ways away. Also, the infamous snake hickey. I… Got plans for that.

XxXxX

Uzumaki Naruto sat in a dimly lit room, behind a large desk with several little stacks of papers on it. He was sitting in a large cushiony chair, his arms folded over his lap as he gazed at the door, as if expecting it to open any moment. He was currently wearing a dark blue, bordering black suit with an orange tie and red undershirt, fancy dress shoes adorning his feet. To accompany this suit he had his hair slicked back and in a ponytail, while on his face he had a pair of black sunglasses, beyond which his molten gold pupils could be seen glowing softly.

Lying on the redheads desk within reach of the boy was a peculiar looking feline, resembling a Serval, yet properly fitting atop the desk like a proper housecat. Attached to its left ear was a little red bow, signaling that it was likely someone's pet. This was Tora, a Savannah that belonged to the Fire Daimyo's wife, Madam Shijimi.

Naruto had found the little devil running from an unlucky Genin team, and both he and the cat got along swimmingly. Hence why the feline was with the boy today, playing the part of his loyal feline companion, if only for a little while.

After a while, Naruto grinned widely as his door indeed opened, and in walked Hyuuga Hinata and Uchiha Satsuki. "Perfect, you came. And you're wearing the outfits I got you, that's good."

Speaking off, both girls were wearing suits much like Naruto's own, only different in color. Satsuki's was black with a dark blue undershirt and red tie, and on the breast pocket of the suit was the girls clan symbol, carefully embroidered. Hinata's suit was brownish tan, with a white undershirt and a lilac tie, and on the breast pocket of her suit was a swirling red flame, also neatly embroidered. This was the girls own clan symbol.

" _Sigh_ , I don't know how I let you talk me into this…" Hinata spoke, tone just a bit sour. It wasn't that she didn't like the suit, it was simply that she was used to more traditional, female clothing. The suit was nice though, of that there was no doubt.

"Because I'm awesome and I'd just pester you till you went along with my plan anyway." Naruto told her cheekily, getting a small glare from the Hyuuga girl.

"Okay, I get why you wanted me here, but what possible use could you have for this one?" Hinata asked, tone turning quite mocking when she said _this one_ , referring to Satsuki, who glowered silently at the other girl.

"Ah, good question. Well, while you are to be my security, Satsuki here will be my muscle. Mafia bosses don't often do their own stunts, as it were. We have people to do that for us."

"And since when exactly are you a Mafia boss?" Satsuki asked, giving her own little glare at the redhead. Cute he was, devilishly handsome in that suit of his, hair all slicked back and cleaned up. But he didn't exactly seem like Mafia material.

"Since this morning. You see, it's all part of my plan to mess with my kaa-chan. My plan is thus; Satsuki, I want you to go to my apartment, here's the address." Naruto slipped a piece of paper across the desk, tapping Tora atop the head gently when the cat batted at the piece of paper. The feline promptly butted her head against his hand, demanding he pet her, something he did, if only so the cat didn't get fussy.

"Once there, you are to leave this ransom note atop my kitchen table-" This time he slipped the Uchiha girl a normal sized piece of paper, written by a Jonin he had roped into his little game, who was currently hiding in the shadows all expert ninja like. "- and fabricate a struggle. Make it look like I was taken forcefully from my apartment. On that note, don't just place the ransom note on the table, make it seem like it was hastily tossed there."

Looking over the note, Satsuki shrugged and gave a little nod. "Right, I'll get right on it. Is there anything else?"

"No, that's all I need from you for the moment. Please take care of it."

Sighing softly, Satsuki waved the boy off and made her exit, closing the door quietly behind her. Once she was gone, Hinata crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Naruto intently, making him sweat a bit. "Please tell me you didn't call me here simply to stand around?"

"N-No! No, that's most certainly not why I called you here. Um… Oh! I got it! I recently got word that my mom picked up a new type of 'tobacco'! Usually she doesn't smoke, at least I've never known her to, so I'd like you to investigate it. Sneak into her office down at the Hokage's office, find her stash of the stuff, and bring it to me. My mother isn't going to be there today, I'm sure of it, so you should be safe for the whole mission."

Huffing softly, Hinata gave the boy a deadpan stare for a while, making him gulp, before she gave the barest of nods. "Very well. You're a ninja now, so I guess some tobacco won't hurt anything in the long run… But let me warn you, mister Mafia Boss. If you call me for something like this again, I will be very cross with you if you have no particular reason for me to participate. This is silly, and I no intention of simply standing around as if some trophy. Do you understand me, mister Uzumaki?"

"P-perfectly! I understand Dattebayo!"

As soon as Hinata left the building, Naruto let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, jumping slightly when a hand landed on his shoulder. "That was a close one 'sir', are you sure it was a good idea to call her here? If you didn't have anything for her to do, it would have gone quite badly, I imagine."

Standing behind Naruto, dressed in a royal purple, body hugging dress that went down to about her shins, a slit going up almost to her thighs, with violet high heels, and almost shoulder length royal purple gloves, was none other than Mitarashi Anko. She had her hair down, and was wearing ruby red lipstick, very light eye shadow, and had black pearl earrings in both ears. Finally, draped across her shoulders was a large black mamba, its tail lowered down just above the woman's cleavage.

Blushing a little at the woman's appearance, Naruto shook his head a bit, "I'm sure. Her eyes alone make her invaluable as security. She'd be able to see anyone coming before they could get here and bust us. It's a shame I had to send her out. Thanks for letting me know about my mom's new habit."

"Not a problem~. Like I said when you 'recruited' me, as long as it's fun~."

XxXxX

While Naruto was masquerading as a Mafia boss trying to lure his mother into some kind of trap, said woman was doing much the same thing, if only to throw a wrench into her son's plans. She had been tipped off to the boys plan, and so had put together her own little 'Mafia'. Her poor son didn't know it, but she had sent an acquaintance of hers to him as a double agent, to lead him on in his little game, in which she would inevitably become the winner.

Yes, Mitarashi Anko would become her most useful asset in this little 'war'.

In any case, she had plans of her own, involving her son and two of his fellow Genin. She wanted them away from her son, and so she had recruited two people most likely to help her with that endeavor. Standing before her own desk were two girls, also Genin. On the right, wearing a red dress that went down to just about her knees, scarlet high heels, and elbow length white gloves, was Haruno Sakura. Her hair was done up in a bun, with two jade chopsticks keeping it together, red lipstick on her lips and a jade pearl necklace around her neck.

On the left was Yamanaka Ino, wearing a violet dress going about half way to her knees, with dark purple high heels, and no gloves, unlike Sakura. Her hair was let out of its normal ponytail, trailing elegantly down her back, royal purple lipstick upon her lips and a light shade of eye shadow applied. Around her neck was a simple necklace, bearing an amethyst flower decoration that hung just above her cleavage. Something Sakura didn't have.

As for Kushina herself, she was wearing a forest green dress that went down to her ankles, yet had a deep slit up the side that went up to her mid-thighs, a pair of light forest green high heels, and like Ino she had no gloves. Instead she had a blue bracelet around her left wrist, and around her neck was a necklace bearing a red swirl that dangled above her cleavage like Ino's necklace. Her own hair was up in a bun like Sakura's, a pair of sky blue chopsticks keeping hers up.

"Okay, you two know the plan, yes?"

Sakura piped up first, Ino simply crossing her arms under her chest. "We're to distract Satsuki and Hinata, once we find them, by engaging them in combat. If possible, we are to incapacitate them and bring them here as captives."

"Right. I want you two to double team them. Alone neither of you are enough to take them down, however, if Sakura provides a distraction, Ino here can then use her clan techniques to take them over and deliver them here. Hinata will prove to be harder to obtain simply because of her Byakugan, so I want you two to go after her last."

Both girls nodded, and Kushina grinned almost evilly, before swiveling around in her chair to face a large section of the room they were in that was hidden from view behind a large bamboo partition/curtain/thing, like something one might see in the room of a daimyo who didn't wish to be seen by 'commoners'.

Behind this partition was none other than- a shadow clone of- Hiruzen Sarutobi himself. He was in full Kage robes, hat included, and a shadow clone of Kushina was behind him, chakra chains extended to wrap around the man snugly. Though not enough to dispel him, of course.

"So what do you think, Jiji? Ready to help me out, or do I have to keep 'you' here where you can't cause any trouble?"

Sweatdropping, scHiruzen put on a defiant face, "I'll never help you, vile Mafia boss! That's your own son you're targeting! Have you no morals?!" ' _Really Kushina, how on earth did you convince me to allow this…?_ '

Laughing sinisterly, Kushina simply swiveled back around and clasped her hands on her desk, "Very well! If you won't cooperate… We'll see if your Grandson will~."

Looking affronted, scHiruzen yelled out, "You'll never get away with this! My grandson would never coopt with the likes of you!"

"We'll see about that old man! Sakura, Ino! Get to your mission!"

Both girls sweatdropped, but saluted and ran out of the room.

XxXxX

Satsuki had just finished her mission at Naruto's apartment, making it seem like a struggle had taken place, before tossing the ransom letter onto the table. Stepping out of the apartment, she vanished ninja style out into the village. Her job was done, so she would be going to check on her family before 'reporting' back to Naruto in his unofficial office down at the building he'd rented a few blocks from the Ninja Academy.

She had just made it into one of the village's many squares, before she had to dodge some shuriken thrown her way. Looking up with a glare, her eyes widened as she spotted Sakura standing on a rooftop smirking down at her. "Sakura?! What the hell! What are you doing!?"

"Eheh~, Satsuki-sama, I'm here to retrieve you of course. Your 'boss' is being very naughty, so his mother sent us to collect some insurance~. Now, you can come quietly, or I can rough you up a bit. It's all the same to me, and though it pains me to do it, I will bring you down if I have to."

Twitching, eyes widening slightly more than before, Satsuki grinned and put her hand on the hilt of her chokuto. "Well now, this game of Naruto's just got interesting. Come on then, I'll play with you."

Sakura gulped, but steeled herself and drew a kunai from her dress, jumping down at Satsuki, who drew her blade and clashed with the pinkette.

Meanwhile, a few rooftops away, Ino laid on her belly over a blanket, taking a snipers position with her hands out in front of her, hands together, 'aiming' carefully at the skirmish taking place down in the square. She waited for several minutes while the two teammates clashed, till Sakura finally managed to catch Satsuki in a Genjutsu long enough for the young Yamanaka to do her thing.

" _Ninpo: Maindusunaipu._ " Ino whispered, focusing her chakra, before slumping over onto the blanket, her mind leaving her body… And taking over Satsuki's.

Back in the square, Sakura felt her Genjutsu drop, and heaved a sigh of relief when Ino in the Uchiha's body gave her a thumbs up. "Okay, let's get her to Kushina-sama, before she can fight you off."

"Right, let's go. I can already feel her clawing her way free. Satsuki-sama has a really strong will."

Done talking, the two sped off, heading towards Kushina's unofficial office, temporarily granted to her by the Hokage, down just a few blocks from the Hokage Tower.

Once at their destination, they entered to find Kushina with a pair of pink tinted sunglasses on, smoking something from a pipe and slowly rocking back and forth, as if forcing herself to stay seated. "Ah! You two got back faster than I expected! Good, good, go ahead and tie her up, leave her in the first chair over there." Kushina told them, pointing to a pair of chairs to her right, not too close to each other.

Nodding, the Ino possessed Satsuki sat in the first chair, and Sakura quickly got to work tying her up, using a shinobi butterfly knot on the girls fingers so they couldn't be used to form hand seals, while also slipping a blindfold over her eyes to prevent the use of her Sharingan. Once done, Ino ended her technique, sending her mind back to her body while Sakura saluted Kushina and stepped away from the quickly rousing Satsuki.

"Good work Sakura, now go, you must get Hinata as well for my plan to work."

XxXxX

Hinata made her way into the Hokage Tower, slipping in easily and stealthily, a small frown on her face as she made her way to the top floor, where Uzumaki Kushina had an office right next to the Hokage's. Breaking in was no problem, she snuck right past the secretary, entering Kushina's office without a problem, using her Byakugan to avoid any traps.

She had heard of Kushina before though, so she was expecting some kind of seal or a dozen to impede her progress. Apparently the woman hadn't had the time to set up said seals, so she considered herself extremely lucky.

Using her Byakugan, Hinata quickly found a hidden compartment in the woman's desk, inside which was a small canister, packed full of some form of plant material. The smell made her wrinkle her nose, but she took the canister, closing the compartment again and quickly leaving the office through the window, closing it behind her before vanishing ninja style.

Progress was swift, efficient, and stealthy, the girl making her way back to where Naruto was in very little time at all. Inadvertently, she completely bypassed the blonde and pink haired Genin looking for her.

Inside the office, Naruto perked up from where he was petting Tora as the door opened, Hinata strolling in and tossing a little canister with a strong smell onto his desk. Tora sniffed at it, letting out a little purr and butting the canister with her nose. Naruto rubbed one of the Savannah's ears, taking the canister himself and lifting it to his nose, sniffing it himself.

He recoiled a bit at the smell, blinking in surprise, having not expected it to have such a strong odor. "Thank you Hinata, I have another mission for you if you'd like it."

The girl crossed her arms, giving a little nod, "Good. Satsuki isn't back yet, and I suspect foul play of some kind. Find her, and report back to me once you've observed what she's doing." Naruto spoke, steeping his fingers together with his elbows on the desk, leaning forward a bit. "Only observe, do not engage, understand?"

Nodding her head, Hinata turned and left once more, leaving Naruto seemingly alone once more. Once the girl was gone, Naruto lifted the canister and sniffed it again, shuddering a bit. "Well… Let's hope it smokes better than it smells."

Anko watched her 'boss' from the shadows as the boy turned to her, eyes expectant, hand outstretching. "Pipe." Rolling her eyes, the woman petted her snake, reaching into her cleavage with her other hand, pulling out an ornate kisheru pipe, a foot in length with silver bowl and mouth pieces, the wooden length of the item purple in color.

Handing the pipe to the boy, she grinned as her pipe was packed with the 'tobacco' from the canister, making a silent note to clean the thing out once she got it back. She did use the thing, every once in a while, after all.

" _Coughcough!_ Oh kami… T-the fuck…!"

Anko giggled at the boys reaction to his first puff of the 'tobacco', which wasn't truly tobacco at all. That's simply what she'd told him it was. It was in fact marijuana, good stuff too, imported from Kusa, funnily enough. Kushina had bought it from a local ninja only shop, and got a bit more for a small discount due to it being her first time there. Idly, Anko wondered how mad she'd be when she found out her son had had her stuff stolen, and then smoked it.

Snickering softly, Anko watched as Naruto muscled his way through the rest of the bowl, his eyes watering behind his sunglasses, no doubt. Well, the boy hadn't started coughing up a lung yet, so that was a good sign. Quickly slipping into the back room of the building, Anko flung open a mini freezer, pulling out a popsicle and taking it to the young redhead.

"Hey boss, take this, it'll help. Trust me, you'll need it."

Blinking, Naruto took the popsicle and looked at it funnily, before shrugging and pulling the wrapper down, pushing the popsicle through the top. "Th-thanks, my throat is burning Dattebayo!" Naruto promptly put the icy treat in his mouth, sighing as the taste washed away that of the stuff he'd just smoked, the juice of the treat soothing his throat.

Idly packing another bowl of the stuff, Naruto never noticed his body beginning to rock back and forth ever so slightly. Anko did, and she only giggled more at it.

"Ah… A _chu!_ " Naruto sneezed, sounding suspiciously like a sneeze, blinking as his sunglasses fell off, revealing bloodshot eyes, a somewhat dazed look on her face. At this point, Anko couldn't contain her giggles, and Naruto looked back at her funnily, before rubbing his head, not noticing how he felt a bit sluggish.

Looking back to the pipe he'd repacked, Naruto blinked as he found it missing, looking around as if expecting to find it walking away somewhere.

"Ahem." Anko cleared her throat exaggeratedly, drawing Naruto's attention. "I think I'll take this one. You've already had enough for your first time, but don't worry sweetie, I'll share~" She said, smiling as Naruto pouted and reached for the pipe. Anko lit it and took a deep draw before he could take it, doing the whole bowl in one hit.

"Awwww! You did it all! Meanie!" Naruto pouted, voice sounding quite girlish as he spoke, making Anko blink in actual surprise. This was… new. Wagging her finger, Anko held her breath for a bit longer before quickly gut punching the red haired boy, making him lose his breath. Before he could draw in another, or get angry at her, she grabbed his head and pressed her lips to his, giving him her own breath, as well as a nice dose of the smoke from the bowl she'd taken.

Flailing as he got his first shotgun from his subordinate, Naruto blushed when he was released, covering his lips with wide eyes. "Quick, pass it to Tora!" Panicking, Naruto was spun around in his chair, grabbing the curious Tora's head, puckering his lips a bit, before shakily blowing the left over smoke in the cats face. Not a good idea in hindsight. Tora bit him.

"Eek!" Squeaking girlishly, Naruto flailed and flew backwards, making Anko catch him before he fell over, Tora leaping off the desk and glowering at Naruto. Swiftly, Tora made her exit via a window, deciding to leave her seemingly, hopefully temporarily, crazy friend for now.

XxXxX

While Naruto was his first stoned moment with Anko, Hinata was out in the village, using her Byakugan to search for any sign of Satsuki. So far, she hadn't found any sign of the girl, but she did see something odd. Yamanaka Ino and Haruno Sakura were also searching around the village, and reading their lips… They were looking for her.

Furrowing her brow, Hinata hid herself before she could cross paths with the two snazzy dressed girls, waiting for them to pass her by. Once they did however, she quickly leapt from her hiding place, stealthily ambushing the girls with pinpoint strikes to the backs of their necks, knocking the two out before they could even turn to look at her.

"Hmph. Foolish, thinking to take me down at all. The likes of you two would never be able to engage me in more than simple fisticuffs." Hinata mocked, picking the two up by their arms and making a point to drag them off through the dirt. Their dresses were nice, but that mattered little to her. She did not have to pay to have them cleaned, nor was she the one wearing either dress.

While she dragged them off, she was unaware that she was being tailed, a member of the Uchiha Police, Sharingan active, following the girl from a small ways away, having witnessed the takedown of the Yamanaka and Haruno girl. What was that Hyuuga girl up to?

Once Hinata got to Naruto's temporary office, she opened the door and tossed her captives on the floor before the redheads desk. Of course, she noticed the smell in the room, and was honestly surprised when the redhead boy seemed to jump when she tossed Sakura and Ino onto the floor. "I didn't find Satsuki, but I did find these two. They seemed to be looking for me, so I took them out and brought them here… Boss, are… Are you okay?"

Hinata asked this of course because for some reason Naruto looked scared, maybe a bit paranoid. "Ah! H-Hinata, good to see you! I need you to do something for me. Something important."

Raising an eyebrow, Hinata gave a small nod, and Naruto looked just a bit relieved. "Thank you. Here's what I need you to do… Hinata. My mother knows. About my plan. She's countering me; she sent those two after you and Satsuki, and she's already been captured. Even as we speak, she could be convincing Satsuki to join her Mafia, defecting from mine."

Outside the building, the Uchiha police officer's eyes widened as she heard this. It was quite surprising to find a single new Mafia operating within the village, let alone two. These would be the first two in years to exist within Konoha's walls, all others having been wiped out. She needed to inform her superiors.

Within the building, Naruto had his fingers steeped, twitching and rocking back and forth slowly. "I need you to send a message, Hinata. I don't care how you do it, but let my mother know… I'm calling her out. Ah, but before that… Would you like to try some of that 'tobacco' I had you retrieve from my mother's office?"

Blinking in surprise at the offer, Hinata tilted her head slightly, pondering the question. Normally she would say no right away, but, she was technically considered an adult the moment she had passed her Genin test with her team. Such a thing would also thoroughly annoy her father, and she could prevent her pretty pink lungs from being contaminated with special medicines. Pricey, but worth it to preserve her lungs.

"Well, I guess I could partake of some, just a little however."

"That's the ticket!"

Packing a small bowl of his mother's 'tobacco' into Anko's pipe, before handing it to the Hyuuga girl. Steeling herself, Hinata placed the pipe to her lips and, getting a nod from Naruto, sighed, before lighting the bowl and taking a breath. Before she could exhale, she felt a pair of breasts against her back, and a hand over her mouth and nose, preventing her from letting out her breath.

Struggling in the mysterious woman's hold, Hinata felt her heart beating faster as the smoke from the decidedly foul tasting 'tobacco' absorbed into her lungs. When finally she was let go, she lashed out as she coughed, face wrinkling in disgust at the taste of the smoke. Still, the damage had been done, and she staggered, eyelids fluttering a bit.

Sweating a little at what had just gone down, Naruto pushed his chair out and stood up shakily. Before he could move, Hinata's head snapped up and her gaze set upon him, Byakugan blazing. "Eep!" Before he could do anything, Hinata seemed to calm down and begin panting softly. "I think I know how I'll send that message to your mother…"

The girl gave an almost wicked grin, her eyes becoming bloodshot like Naruto's, making her pupils more noticeable. Taking the knocked out girls by the arms, the young Hyuuga began to drag them out, making Naruto gulp. He had a feeling he would regret this later…

XxXxX

Walking up to the door to Naruto's apartment, two people looked at each other when the noticed the door slightly ajar. Advancing cautiously, the one in front let the one in back step forward, using her shield to push the door open. Both ladies' eyes widened as they saw the inside of the apartment they'd been told belonged to Uzumaki Naruto.

The living room table had been flipped, the couch tipped over, its cushions strewn about. The television was almost pushed off its stand, as if it'd been struck, or bumped into, and the kitchenette was a mess as well. Chairs were all knocked over, one even broken, the drawers were pulled open, eating utensils strewn all over the floor, a few knifes sticking out of a wall as if thrown there.

There, on the kitchen table, as if hastily tossed there like an after-thought, was a letter.

The woman now in the back came forward, stepping into the light to reveal herself as the Demon Hunter, Trisha. Her and the Crusader, Eluvia, had been searching for Naruto all day, yesterday as well, and had just been informed where he lived at the moment. Now they came in and found this!?

"This is a ransom note! He's been taken!"

Eluvia grunted, and made for the door. "Then what are we waiting for? We must come to his rescue!" Trisha nodded in agreement, taking the note with her, pocketing it and exiting the building after Eluvia. They were off to find their missing student and friend.

XxXxX

With Kushina, she was standing before the bound Satsuki, grinning like a madman as she listened to the girl tell her where her son was holed up. All she had to do was mention how she could help her get her son into girls clothes, and the young Uchiha cracked like an egg. It seemed the girl had been quite annoyed with the boy for starting this little game that got her captured and tied up.

Before she could enjoy her small victory though, the door to her temporary office burst open, revealing a clone of herself holding a squirming brown haired boy with a long blue scarf as his most identifying feature. This was the Sandaime's grandson, Sarutobi Konohamaru.

"And it just keeps getting better! How do you like that Jiji! I've captured your little grandson, and there's nothing you can do about it! Watch as I turn him to my side before your very eyes Dattebane!"

Turning away from both the bound Satsuki and the hidden and bound scHiruzen, Kushina knelt before the heatedly glaring Konohamaru, giving him a little smile. While her clone held the boy still, she leaned in and whispered into his ear, " _Hello Konohamaru-kun, don't worry, you're grandpa's not in any real danger, we're playing a little game. How would you like to prank your dear old granddad?_ "

Konohamaru's eyes widened, before he grinned and nodded his head excitedly. He always loved messing with his grandpa, from pretend assassination attempts, to stealing small items of his for his uncle Asuma in exchange for candy. It was always cool to pull one over on the old man in his book.

" _Good, then just play along, okay?_ " She winked at him, before standing and laughing haughtily, tossing her head back as she did so. "Do you see now Jiji? How easy this young boy has been swayed to my side! Konohamaru-kun, you've got a very important job. I want you… To deliver something for me."

"Eh? Just that? No problem! I'll have it delivered in no time Nee-chan!"

Flushing prettily at the boys words, Kushina giggled and patted the young Sarutobi on the head, "Good! Here's what I want you to deliver. It's a message to my son, that our game is almost at a conclusion…" Walking over to the bound Satsuki, Kushina ripped the breast pocket from the girls suit jacket. Walking back over to Konohamaru, she handed him the torn off pocket, the little boy looking at it curiously. "How is this a message?"

"Oh, he'll get the message. Now, he's over by the Ninja Academy, just a couple blocks away from it, look for the building with the Uzumaki swirl painted next to the door. My foolish son thought it wise to personalize his hideouts entrance. He will pay for this mistake."

Giving a little salute, the now freed Konohamaru did an about face and ran out the door, Kushina's clone dispelling, its job done.

Not a minute after the young Sarutobi left, Kushina blinked as she got the memories of another shadow clone she had had out in the village monitoring things. It seemed Naruto had sent his Hyuuga underling to send her a message, left blatantly in the villages east square. It was in the form of Ino and Sakura bound together in the 69 position, legs tied bent at the knees and spread open. The two had had their tenketsu closed sloppily, and there were several bite marks on both girls. It seemed Hinata got a little… Physical.

Last but not least, both girls had had their hair cut, something she had a feeling would piss them of, especially seeing as they had previously had hair going down to their asses.

She didn't know what Hinata planned to do with the hair she'd cut off the girls, but she wasn't concerned about that. She was concerned about the Hyuuga girl's eyes. Her clone had noticed that they were quite bloodshot, and the girl seemed to stumble just a little. A clear sign of a stoned individual. It seemed her son had gotten hold of some good stuff, shared it with his underling.

That only left the question, where did he get it, and why? To her knowledge the boy didn't even know Marijuana existed, let alone where to get it. So how… Anko!

Grunting, Kushina took a deep breath, before letting out a sigh. "I'm going to tan that boys hide so hard…" "Oooh, can I watch?"

Rolling her eyes at Satsuki's request, Kushina walked over to the girl and untied her, removing her blindfold as well. Letting the girl stand up now that keeping her bound was useless, Kushina softly whacked the girl upside the head. "No you can't watch. But you can help me catch him. Here's what I want you to do…"

XxXxX

Naruto was blushing, blushing hard, practically trapped in his chair without even being bound, unable to move all the same. He had another popsicle in his mouth, but this one was being moved in and out of his mouth in a decidedly lewd manner, it's juices running down his chin, coating his lips, which were slowly turning a light blue due to the cold of the treat.

Holding the icy treat was none other than Anko, sitting on the boys desk and manipulating the popsicle, teasing Naruto with the movements she was making it do. The boy just seemed incredibly girlish in his stoned state, and reacted just pricelessly to certain stimulus. For instance, moving the popsicle in and out of his mouth as if a penis made the boy suck gently on it, all precious looking as if it were his first time.

"Ah, here it comes~ Take it properly!" Anko demanded, and using some water chakra manipulation, pulled the popsicle from the boys mouth, leaving a chunk of it inside, and manipulated the melty juices to jump from the tip of what was left of the popsicle to the boy's face. Quite lewd, but that was the point.

" _Eek!~_ " The boy cried, twitching and gripping the arms of his chair tightly, face flushed darker as the cool, melted juice of the popsicle ran down his face slowly.

This is what Hinata walked in on as she returned from sending her little message. Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped, the neatly contained collection of hair she'd been carrying falling from her hand. "What the fuck!"

"Whoops. Busted." Anko hopped off the desk, revealing the popsicle, since to the Hyuuga it must have seemed as if _she_ was the source of the sticky liquid on the redheads face.

Naruto himself blinked once the stimulus stopped, blushing as he remembered what he'd just been doing, and swallowing the, now melted, chunk of popsicle.

"H-Hinata! Welcome back, what's the status of the message?" He said, trying to completely ignore what his crazy underling had just done to him. Just as well, he accepted the pipe from said underling after she packed it again, pouting as he took his puff, the taste still as horrible as the first time, though he no longer coughed.

Gasping, before shaking her head to clear it of the image she had just seen, telling herself that it was just popsicle juice on the boy's face, she cleared her throat. "Yes, well then. I used my Byakugan upon placing the message in the east square, and she definitely received it. She was there to see it herself, it seemed."

Nodding his head, Naruto shuddered and released his breath, blowing smoke in a little ring as Anko had taught him while Hinata had been away. Before the woman had started molesting his mouth with the popsicle, anyway. "That's good. There's one more thing I want you to do for me, two things really. One, come get more of this, because it's getting more and more awesome the more I have, and two… Find my mom's hideout, it's time I knew where to hit. Take Anko here with you, I don't need her doing more weird things to my body with popsicles."

The aforementioned woman pouted at that, before she huffed and crossed her arms under her bust as Hinata approached, in her current state not minding at all being told to have more of the strange 'tobacco'.

Several moments filled with coughing and laughing later, Hinata and Anko were out the door, the latter with a subtle smirk on her face. She was a secret double agent after all, and now was a perfect time to capture the Hyuuga girl for her true 'boss'. The fun she'd been having aside, she had to stick to her orders after all.

However, not five minutes after they left, there came a knock at the door, and Naruto blinked, stopping what he was doing, namely twirling around in his chair childishly. Getting up and almost falling over, Naruto found himself almost 'magically' at the door, opening it to find a small brown haired boy. "Uh, can I help you squirt?"

"The boss sends her regards." The boy told Naruto, before holding out something to the older boy. Blinking, Naruto took the offered object, his eyes widening in horror at the ripped off breast pocket he was now holding. Embroidered upon it was the Uchiha clan symbol. "No… NOOOOOOO!" Naruto cried, falling to his knees dramatically.

"Boy! Tell me where she is, now!"

Naruto held the boy up by his scarf, giving him a little shake, freaking the boy out more than his yelling had. "Sh-she's out on the Hokage Monument, I-I swear!" The boy admitted, before he was promptly dropped on his butt, Naruto dashing out the door at speed. Not even a moment later, he returned, pulling the boy from his office, and closing the door, locking it too.

XxXxX

"So, I see you've arrived!"

Naruto glared at his mother, who stood across from him atop the Yondaime's head, him standing on the Nidaime's head. Behind his mother was Satsuki, hands tied behind her, a blindfold over her eyes, her breast pocket ruined. Also there were Anko and Hinata, the former holding the latter gagged and bound at her feet.

"I see… So this is how it's going to be… Betrayed by my own second in command, my plans laid to ruin...!"

"Come now Naruto, don't cry~. You knew this was bound to happen. You messed with the best after all. Now just surrender quietly and I'll go easy on you! Anko told me what you had Hinata here steal from my office!"

"Nevah! You'll have to take me kicking and screaming!"

Cracking her knuckles, Kushina grinned and stepped forward, "Gladly! Get ready to lose the shortest Mafia war in history!"

Before either redhead could do anything however, a voice rang out that stopped them in their tracks, "Everybody Freeze!"

Blinking, both stoned redheads looked to the side, towards the forest behind the Hokage Faces. There stood a small contingent of Uchiha Police, armed and ready to take them down. "You're under arrest, dirty Mafia bosses!"

The woman out in the front was obviously the leader of the squad, and she looked ready to tear into them, a pair of handcuffs in her hands. "Surrender now!"

Looking back to each other, mother and son gave a nod, before turning to the group of police as one, " **Nevah!** "

Mother and son promptly did an about face and leapt off the Hokage Monument, Anko quickly grabbing Hinata and doing the same. The police cursed and rushed forward, watching the culprits fall, one of the group moving to Satsuki and untying the girl, obviously believing her to be a simple captive. Once free, Satsuki played innocent, thanking the one who freed her, staying put for a few moments as the squad of her clan's police force went after Kushina, Naruto and Anko.

"Well. I didn't see that coming. Still, I wonder if I can work this to my advantage…"

XxXxX

While this was all happening, Trisha and Eluvia had arrived at the location indicated in the ransom note they'd found in Naruto's apartment. It turned out to be a warehouse on the south side of the village, nondescript and seemingly empty. Looking to each other, they nodded, before Eluvia used her shield bash and knocked the door down, both women rushing in, weapons drawn.

They were promptly strung up together in one trap, which wrapped around their ankles and suspended them from the ceiling. They were then bombarded with paint bombs, colorful ones, colored smoke filling the warehouse quickly.

When it ended, both women were covered from head to toe in Technicolor paint, before the floor opened up beneath them, and they were dropped into a pit of honey and feathers.

"… Did… Did we just get pranked?"

"Yes. Yes we did. I doubt it was meant for us, but… I'm going to kill that boy, I swear I will."

XxXxX

Meanwhile, back at Naruto's apartment, again, one Hatake Kakashi was looking curiously around his student's apartment. What he was seeing concerned him. He had originally came by to check why his students hadn't come to the team meeting today, and after checking with both Sakura's parents, and Satsuki's family, neither knowing where the girls had gone off to, he had decided to see if Naruto had seen them.

Only to come upon what looked like a kidnapping.

Looking at the kitchen table, whereupon a piece of paper sat discarded, Kakashi picked up said paper and his eye widened, finding it to be a ransom note. "No…"

XxXxX

Not ten minutes later, we find Kakashi at the same warehouse indicated in the note, rushing in through the broken down door. What he saw baffled him, enough that he actually tripped, ending up with him falling into the pit of honey and feathers just as two beautiful women were crawling out of it.

"… I'm going to murder that boy."

"We know."

XxXxX

With Naruto, Kushina, Anko and Hinata, all four were hiding out in Kushina's office in the Hokage Tower, having ran out into the village and doubled back. The secretary had been threatened to keep her quiet, said threat involving two certain green wearing ninja and a prolonged viewing of their unique sunset Genjutsu.

The door was barricaded, the fact that it opened the other way notwithstanding, the windows were closed and the blinds likewise. All four ninja were stoned out of their minds, sitting in a circle in the middle of the room passing around Anko's pipe, continuously repacking it. They had completely forgotten they were previously in a Mafia style war, or that they were being looked for by the Uchiha Police after their second bowl.

"So… Like… What were we doing before this?" Kushina asked, the other three shrugging, Anko answering, "I have no idea. Something about the Uchiha?"

Kushina and Naruto were slowly rocking the top halves of their bodies back and forth, while Anko was somehow managing to stay completely still, and Hinata was chewing on a piece of her hair. The whole room was filled with smoke, though there was still visibility. All four ninja had bloodshot eyes, each holding a snack of some kind.

Anko had a plate of dango, somehow.

Hinata had a bag of cinnamon buns.

Kushina had a bag of extra spicy chips.

Naruto had a bowl of ramen. And Kushina was eyeing it and drooling as she ate her chips.

"Heeeey, sochi, g-gimme… Gimme yer ramen…"

"Nooooo~! S'mine…"

"C'moooon, just a bite… D-das all I wants… Mebeh two…"

"Nuh uh, y-yer gonna takes it all…!"

Advancing on her son, Kushina dropped her chips and crawled towards him on her hands and knees, inadvertently giving her son a peak at her cleavage. Seeing what his mother was doing, Naruto began to slurp his ramen, Kushina pouncing as the boy was set to finish it. What happened next could only be gawked at by the other two stoned ninja.

Kushina fell upon her son, knocking what was left of the ramen from the bowl and all over Naruto, who squealed girlishly as his mother did this. Flailing a bit, the two rolled around a little, before in a desperate attempt to steal some of the ramen, Kushina went for the only source she saw in that moment of time.

Lips met, and Kushina forced her tongue into her sons mouth, stealing the noodles caught there when her son had frozen after she'd fallen on him. Her hands were holding his head, and Naruto's hands were caught between their bodies, latched firmly onto her breasts, squeezing them. One of Kushina's legs were between Naruto's, pressed up against his crotch, and one of his were in a similar position.

Hinata dropped the cinnamon bun she'd been eating.

Anko _almost_ dropped her pipe.

Pretty soon, the fight to steal what was left of her sons ramen devolved into a sloppy make-out session, tongues dueling, moans being swallowed back and forth. Finally, the need to breath won out, and the two broke apart gasping and panting, Naruto's pants sporting a very noticeable bulge.

Before anything else could happen between the two, Anko decided, in a fit of clarity, to be responsible, pushing Kushina off the boy, almost falling over him herself in the process.

"Dat… was the most hottest thing I seen all week… An I caughts Nai-chan playing wit herself in da shower!"

Hinata however simply pointed at the trio, gawking and blushing darkly, "Y-you's a bunch of perves! A-all six of you!"

Naruto sat up swiftly, blinking and looking around as if he'd no idea where he was. "Oi… Where's da pipe…?"

Before he could get an answer, the door opened, and all four ninja's heads snapped over to look at it, betrayed looks on their faces at the fact their barricade had failed. Stupid desk!

On the other side of the door, a deadpan look on her face, Satsuki had her arms crossed, an eyebrow raised. Just as she opened her mouth to say something however, a shadow clone of Anko appeared behind her, Sparta kicking her into the room and slamming the door shut before falling over and dispelling.

"Whoa jeeze! The fu-mmph!"

Satsuki's words were cut off as the moment she landed in the room, her head was grabbed and lifted up, a pair of lips smashing to her own, expelling a breath of air and smoke down her throat and into her lungs. The girl flailed wildly, but as soon as she managed to knock the offender away a new pair of lips latched onto hers and did the same right as she exhaled.

Her vision swam, and she became incredibly light headed. "Th-the fudge… What'd you do to m-me!"

The girl gave a full body shudder, before collapsing, leaving four sets of wide eyes. "Oh kami you killed her! Satsuki, Nooooo!" Hinata cried, lifting the girl slightly, acting as if she were the heaviest thing in the world.

Only for Satsuki to pop back up, their foreheads cracking together, sending Hinata back, holding her forehead, "Ah! Bitch!"

Anko cracked up, giggling and snorting as she wiggled on the floor, Kushina simply picking her chips back up and flopping onto her back, staring at the ceiling and munching away. Naruto meanwhile had found the pipe again, and was already smoking another bowl from it.

Cue ten minutes later. Now all five ninja were stoned as fuck, both Satsuki and Hinata seeming unable to deactivate their Doujutsu, which had activated the moment their heads had collided. It was thanks to this that Hinata was able to see passed the closed and 'barricaded' door, to the Hokage himself standing outside.

"Shit, its da Fuzz, Cheese it!" **Wham!**

The girl ran face first into a wall, just as there was a knock at the door, the Hokage speaking from the other side.

"Hello? Kushina, are you in here? Did you threaten my secretary with Guy and Lee? And why does it smell so much like marijuana out here?"

….

"Hello? I know you're in there… I can hear giggling."

" _Shhh! Sh-shut up he can hear you guys!_ " Kushina whispered from within the room, Satsuki and Anko giggling like little children as the Hokage talked from the other side of the door.

"… You know you're sharing, right?"

"Hokage-sama!"

"Might Guy and Rock Lee."

"Y-yes sir…"

" _N-Naruto, getta door for da Hokages!_ " Hiruzen heard whispered, followed by a girly whine, followed by stomping, before the scraping of what seemed to be a desk from the other side of the door.

"Did you barricade yourselves in? You realize this door opens outward not inward, right?"

Stepping back as the door was opened, Hiruzen's eyes widened as he saw Naruto. In a schoolgirl outfit. His hair was even up in two side-tails. "I'm going to get stoned with you all, and forget about seeing this."

From within the room, Anko laughed and gave out a cat-call, "It's da return ofs da Why-Boner!"

Followed immediately by Satsuki, "With a Vengeance!"

Both instantly fell over giggling like little girls again, Anko snorting every so often.

XxXxX

It was an hour later, and the now six people in the hot-boxed room had completely gone through Kushina's stash, leaving them with nothing to smoke, and to top it off they were out of things to eat.

Except a popsicle, which Anko was currently using to molest Naruto's mouth. Again. The Hokage had completely turned around and away from this, along with the now awake again Hinata. Satsuki and Kushina however were watching aptly, both blushing, listening to the exaggerated sounds Anko was having Naruto make as the boy suckled at the icy treat melting in his mouth.

Then the door was flung open and a trio of people covered collectively in paint, honey and feathers walked in. Hinata of course reacted badly to seeing- at least to her- a three headed, Technicolor chicken, eyes widening as she scrambled up and ran back, tripping over Anko.

She promptly fell flat on her face and knocked Anko over and ending the impromptu soft porn via popsicle.

"… Okay. I suddenly no longer wish to hurt Naruto. I also no longer wish to be lucid. I'll be right back."

Kakashi disappeared after that, using Shunshin to go home and clean up, leaving Eluvia and Trisha to gawk at the group of stoners, the smoke quickly filtering out of the room quickly with the door open.

Hiruzen, seeing the two simply standing there, got up and exited the room, pushing them out and closing the door behind him. He had gotten the least of the group, but was no less stoned, though he was also far more used to the feeling. "Ahem. There is… A shower room… one floor down. My secretary will… Show you there, and… Give you a change of clothes."

Looking to his secretary, he motioned towards the two stunned women, before waving them off and dusting his hands off uselessly. They were sticky from touching the honey and feather coated women's shoulders.

Doing an about face, the old man's first attempt to go back into the room resulted in him walking into the door with a thud, before he grumbled and opened the door before walking back in.

It would be half an hour later that we would find the group, now plus a clean Kakashi, Trisha, and Eluvia, all within the room. Kakashi had brought his own stash with him, and he had also paid a visit to the Akamichi clan to pick up one of their secret 'Munchy Care Packages'. So now the group had more than enough food, and a stock of even better stuff to smoke, with two more pipes as well.

XxXxX

Deep in the land of Rice, while all the craziness was going on in Konoha, a far darker plot was going on.

None other than Orochimaru of the Sannin himself was currently having a very important meeting with a small group of strange individuals. He had found them trying to hide in one of his minor hideouts, and quickly rounded them up while avoiding doing them any undue harm. Suffice to say they interested him.

Currently the 'demons', as they had called themselves, were being contained in large crystals with only their heads free. His subordinate Guren was beside him, kneeling with her head down.

"So, you say you were created from the bodies of dead bandits, and the energies of beings called the Great Evil's? My my, such an… Interesting story. I can't say I find myself doubting you… But I don't believe you either. However, this provides me with a very nice opportunity… You say you can create more of your kind, given time?"

All three bound demons nodded, as much as they could anyway, fearful of the man before them. If they didn't know for a fact that their lords were inside the boy who had created them, they would say for certain that this man was one of the Evils. He was simply that corrupt.

"Interesting… Ufufufu… Very well. I shall grant you the resources needed to perform this 'ritual', but in return… you work for me. And eventually, I shall give you more power. But be warned, if you try to betray me, and I do mean _try_ , I will make you wish you I would simply kill you. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

"Y-Yes. We understand, Lord Orochimaru…"

Snapping his fingers, Guren released her technique, the crystal containing the eight creatures shattering. The grotesque, spike covered demons kneeled immediately, and Orochimaru gave a sick grin, chuckling softly. "I'll have the bodies prepared. Guren here will show you to the area you will be using. I expect there to be no trouble from you lot, otherwise I'll simply find out how to replicate you myself. I assure you, you won't like that one bit.~"

The demons nodded and stood once more, following Guren as she left, Orochimaru going another way, towards where he kept his captives.

XxXxX

Demonic chanting filled the candle lit room, body parts strewn about, a large bloody circle with demonic writing within it drawn onto the floor. In human blood.

Within the circle, several battered people were bound on the floor, screaming as furious red energy was pumped into their bodies through several beams of said energy. A dark vortex was spreading from the middle of the circle, engulfing the humans, distorting their screams, twisting their bodies, perverting them into something else.

In explosions of blood and gore, where ten humans had once been, ten new demons now rose from the dark vortex.

Up on a balcony, Orochimaru was watching this all happen with a dark, twisted glee. This was going better than he had expected, and he now had ten new 'demons' with which to run tests. First he would see if any could survive his Curse Seal, and if that proved successful, he would try for the level two version.

Perhaps with a little study and experimentation, it might be possible for him to take it even further than that. Yes... the Curse Seal was quite overdue for an upgrade. It was about time for level three to be born~.

First however, he would move this group to a larger base, one with more prisoners within. It was high time this world gave form to its various demons, only then could he get started on upgrading his Curse Seal.

XxXxX

 _Omake: Hokage's letter, parents come looking, and the day after._

Uchiha Fuki's eyes twitched as she looked at the letter she had just been sent. By the Hokage. Written in crayon.

It read something like this: **'Dear Uchiha Police. I caught the Mafia. They've repented, and quit, so don't bother looking for them anymore. Sincerely, the Sandaime Hokage.'**

Sighing and palming her face, the woman tossed the letter onto her desk, her forehead quickly following the paper, making a loud thunk like noise. "I don't get paid enough for this shit…"

Pressing a button on her intercom, the woman sighed and spoke loud and clear, "Tell them to call off the search for the mafia bosses, Hokage-sama took care of it. On that note, I don't want to be disturbed unless it's something important."

Releasing the button, Fuki lifted her head from her desk and reached into it, looking around shiftily before she pulled out a little orange book. "Ah, sweet sweet stress relief. What would I do without you oh book of the gods?"

XxXxX

Within the Hokage Tower, Hyuuga Hiashi and Uchiha Mikoto looked at each other stoically as the stood across from each other. Both giving a nod to the other, they entered the building and made their way up, a pungent odor reaching their noses the higher up they got. When they reached the top floor the smell got so strong the two, knowing what it was, could swear they were getting high just from being in the tower. Honestly, it would explain why every other person in the building seemed to be so mellow.

However, this was cause to worry, as they had been told their daughters were here, and ninja or not, it was a parents duty to dote on their child. They may be considered adults by the village, but they were so going to be grounded if they were here at the moment.

Approaching the door where the smell was obviously coming from, thick smoke leaking from the door, before they could even knock they had their suspicions confirmed.

" _Fuckin balls! Satsuki-chin, it is da parents! Run!_ " Came a muffled cry from the other side of the door.

 **Wham! Thud!**

Hiashi and Mikoto winced as they heard this, the former using his Byakugan to peer into the room, finding his daughter had ran into the far wall near the window, while Mikoto's daughter had ran into the wall with the Hokage's office on the other side.

" _Okah, wh-who tot it would be gud ta paint an openin to da Hokagi's office on mah wall? Wh-whattayuhmen it'was meh? Ah didn did it! Yyyyou shuts yous mouf Naruto, a-affore I lets Anko-tan shove dat possicle in yer kewt bubbleh butt 'Ttebane!_ "

Sweatdropping heavily, Hiashi and Mikoto took a step back at the same time.

" _N-nuuuuu! Y-yuh alridy p-puts da f-floppidy pink ting in dur, n-nuffin else cin fits! L-leev mah bubbleh booty alooo-eek! Nu! Nuuuu! D-days watchin! Dun luuk! Aahn!~_ "

Looking at each other, both blushing horribly, the two gave a nod and turned around, quickly making their exit. They would talk to their daughters about this tomorrow.

XxXxX

The next day, Naruto was the first to wake up, groaning and smacking his lips, sniffing a few times to try and get a sense of where he was. The first thing he smelled made him shiver and nuzzle deeper into the warmth he seemed to be snuggled up to. He'd recognize this smell anywhere. He was with his mom, nose buried against her armpit.

He almost went back to sleep. And then heard groans from all around him, making him blearily open his eyes and peak his head up from under his mother's arm. His eyes widened as he saw the mess that was the room he was in. There was food scraps and wrappers everywhere, and people, couldn't forget the people. There also seemed to be a very thin haze of some sort permeating the room.

Looking around, he seemed to recognize everyone. There was of course his mother, then Anko, Satsuki, Hinata, the old man Hokage, his new sensei, Trisha and Eluvia. They were all slowly waking up, one after the other, and Naruto couldn't for the life of him remember what the hell had happened.

Then he looked down.

" _Eeeeeek!_ "

Everyone shot up, some holding their heads as Naruto yelled.

"What! What is it!"

Naruto glared at Satsuki, then his mother, getting shakily to his feet before gesturing to his outfit. A short skirt and a long sleeved blouse, under which he could feel a sports bra, and a pair of panties. Growling, he made to kick his mother, only to trip and fall on his ass, his foot only grazing the woman's forehead.

…

"Nnngh! F-fuck! The hell! Why does my ass hurt so much!?" Naruto whined, arching his back and lifting his butt off the floor, hands threw back and holding his aching butt over the skirt.

"Why is Naruto wearing a civilian school girl uniform?"

The question came from Kushina of all people, and everybody skilled enough in the way of the stone to remember most of what had happened last night gave her deadpan stares. Namely, Kakashi, Hiruzen, and surprisingly Satsuki. That last one had cheated though. See, after clashing foreheads with Hinata, and being subsequently unable to turn off her Doujutsu, Satsuki had ended up inadvertently memorizing everything she saw.

This included almost everything that happened the other day, at least the parts she wasn't knocked out for.

"Uh, no need to panic or anything… But I think I need a hospital. I suddenly can't feel my legs. Silver lining? I can't feel anything below the waist right now, so my butt doesn't hurt anymore."

Everyone slowly got up, minus Naruto who couldn't feel his anything below the waist, hopefully something which was temporary. Hiruzen ushered the adults to his office, where there was cold water and soft seats. Well, all the adults except Kushina, who muscled her arms under her son and set him on her own couch, before moving to open the blinds and windows.

XxXxX

After everyone had gotten some fluids into them, Tsunade had been summoned via ANBU to check up on Naruto. Hiruzen had a quick talk with her before that however, and so what she found to be the problem with the boy was not shared with said boy. If he found out… He would never be able to enjoy the 'herb' again. Purely because of his own stubbornness, of course.

So after a long session of healing, during which Tsunade stayed professional even while massaging Naruto's butt and legs, the young redhead was finally able to move around by himself again, though it would be a few days till he was back up to full capacity once more.

So, while everyone went to deal with the aftermath of the other day's party of sorts, Naruto curled up on the couch in his mother's office. Kushina joined him too, catching another snooze with her son, his head once more under her arm.

While this happened however, Hinata found herself confronted by what could only be described as a pair of raging demons. As soon as she had entered the east square, they fell upon her like a plague. They clawed, they tore, they even bit. In the end, the raging blurs of pink and blonde defeated even the mighty Hyuuga heiress.

Hinata was delivered to her clan home quite roughed up, sporting a practically glowing dark pink ass. The furious Ino and Sakura had taken turns paddling it with 2x4's. They were that angry at having their hair cut, though they had refrained from doing any permanent or even mildly lasting damage. They were angry, not idiots.

Suffice to say, Team 8 had to take a day or two off right off the bat. Team 7 would have had to as well, but Satsuki and Sakura were just fine, physically, and Naruto was only a bit sluggish. Hinata couldn't sit, was pained to stand, and was to thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed to be seen in public for a while.

XxXxX

Okay! I'd like to apologize for this chapter. I was tired, it was like two in the morning. I'll write a different one, and this, minus what happened at the end with Orochimaru, will be a 'what happened in a dream once' moment for the Naruto/D3 people. Though, in another humor moment later in the story I might catch someone in a prank similar to the one pulled on Trisha and Eluvia. I had no idea I would get such bad responses. (Insert blush and Bowing here.)

Anyway! In the time it took me to write this, Kushina got like, a ton of 'yes' votes in the poll. Way more than the 'no' votes. So, I'll leave that poll up for only one more chapter before taking it down. If Kushina wins, that certain part in this chapter will be a precursor. If she somehow sinks like a rock in the poll, than it will just be a lewd accident.


End file.
